For Alex Pretti and All at the VA

Here’s to Alex Pretti. And here’s to his memory.

The VA, especially the VA nurses, took stellar care of my dad from the first day he entered into our care in April 2018 till the day he passed in January 2024.

Once we fully and immediately discovered that my dad could not live on his own after my mom suddenly passed, the VA helped us transition dad's care from UPMC Pittsburgh docs and his team at the Pittsburgh VA hospital to full care through the Erie VA Medical Center for two years while he lived with me and Emily in Western NY. Then the VA oversaw his care transition to the James E. Van Zandt VA Medical Center and the State College VA Clinic when he and Emily and I relocated to our home here in Central PA in September 2020.

When we knew it was no longer safe for Dad to be under our care . . . he did not sleep, so we did not sleep . . . and he had already fallen and broken a hip under my care, had multiple organs failing, and needed to be on constant watch among other incredibly challenging physical and emotional needs . . . the VA was there for us again in August 2022 as we moved him into 24-hour care at the Hollidaysburg Veterans' Home. He shared beautiful friendships with the nurses and the doctors there (one of whom I was just in touch with today). When it was time to call hospice services in, the VA coordinated with AseraCare Hospice Care in Altoona, PA.

We had so many moving parts between April 2028 and January 2024 . . . His social worker, the nurses, and the doctors through that time were angels. Big healers and space holders. I weep as I type this note, feeling the immense gratitude to those who cared and put their hearts on the line every day. They helped us with his meds, his oxygen needs (he had advanced COPD, so was on 6 litres of Oxygen 24/7), and they helped us make our home more safe and accessible to him. They coordinated his care between VA docs and community care docs (our record stood at 23 medical appointments for Dad within 13 days). They helped us coordinate emergency transport (multiple ambulance rides from Findley Lake to the ER in Erie, and then from Pennsylvania Furnace to the ER in State College).

The VA not only helped my dad, they also helped keep me and my family intact. I am still here today because of the VA and the care and support they provided to me as Dad's primary (and extremely overwhelmed) caregiver. The AseraCare Hospice group, along with the VA, then helped hold our hands and reassure us all in the final two months of Dad’s care right up until the moment he passed when his primary hospice nurse, Clarissa, was with us as I held my dad when he took his last breath.

To say that the VA and our veterans deserve respect is a watered down phrase. There are no words for how to distill this into the essence it deserves. I still am trying to find the words for how profound their impact and care touched us. My dad was a loving and incredibly complicated man. He had many psychological and physical needs including addiction to meds (many which were/are heavily regulated) and alcohol. His psychological needs were even greater than his physical needs. Perhaps that’s a story for another day . . .

The nurses not only cared for my dad, they also became his friends. Dad’s needs were great, and he was in a dedicated wing of the VA hospital reserved for veterans who had equally great needs. I saw so much when I was there with Dad . . . How the nurses and the docs showed up for all their patients every single day. They shared their time and their stories with my dad, sitting with him, talking with him. Asking him stories about his life and sharing stories of their own lives. My dad had a way of inviting everyone in his world to share their stories, a most vulnerable and healing place where my dad could hold space better than anyone I know. I will remain forever grateful for these incredibly special moments with these earth-based angels in scrubs. I hope to write and share more about these years of Dad’s care, and to share more about how the VA helped hold us together for close to seven years of what I can definitely call the most intense, stressful, and deeply taxing time of my life.

To know the VA is now honoring one of their own this week is heartbreaking. Alex Pretti died needlessly on Saturday, shot in broad daylight, on a sidewalk, in front of a donut shop, in service of helping a fellow community member. His last words to her: “Are you ok?”

I pray for Alex Pretti and his family. I pray for those who love him and who now will miss him. I pray for those who honor him now and always. I pray for the many veterans and their families he cared for. I pray for all who are in the helping and service professions. I pray for those who are needlessly losing their lives, for all families who are broken apart by federal agents (especially without due process). I pray for all who live in fear in these lean and uncertain times. I pray for all who are actively stepping up and who are calling out the atrocities of this administration.

If you have stayed with me this far in this post, thank you. I conclude by making one thing clear: I commit to keeping my heart open and I commit to keeping my eyes and my mind open even more.

Mistake not my soft and open heart and eyes. Keeping them open takes daily work (sometimes moment-by-moment). A lifetime of being fed bullshit stories and living through (and doing my best to heal) dysfunctional family patterns within myself; living through the daily hellscape of caring for my beautiful dad while also trying to raise a teenager, keep my relationship with my husband and my stepdaughter intact, pandemic isolation, keeping up with my own work as best as possible; caring for myself in the midst of all of this and learning what my own needs are (???). I am sharper, more resolute, and I am also tough as fucking nails.

After witnessing the atrocities of this current administration and waking up the next day and praying for a better one . . .

Let me make ONE thing clear: if you still support this administration, I invite you to take a good, clean, sober look in the mirror. Ask yourself what part of history you want to be a part of. This administration is a part of history I have never and will NOT support. My boundaries are intact and fortified. I am solid in my commitment.

Thank God my dad passed when he did. As a lifelong Republican until 2020, an Army veteran, a hometown banker, a dedicated member of Rotary International and many community groups . . . As a loyal husband and an even more amazing father, my dad was outraged and regularly horrified at Trump Version 1.0. He’d lose his shit over Version 2.0. We most certainly did not upgrade.

God, please help us all and hold our country strong. Thank you, Alex Pretti, and thanks to the VA for helping our veterans.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 48

Tao Te Ching – Verse 48

In pursuit of knowledge,
every day something is added.
In the practice of the Tao,
every day something is dropped.
Less and less do you need to force things,
until finally you arrive at non-action.
When nothing is done,
nothing is left undone.

True mastery can be gained
by letting things go their own way.
It can't be gained by interfering.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 47

Tao Te Ching – Verse 47

Without opening your door,
you can open your heart to the world.
Without looking out your window,
you can see the essence of the Tao.

The more you know,
the less you understand.

The Master arrives without leaving,
sees the light without looking,
achieves without doing a thing.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 46

Tao Te Ching – Verse 46

When a country is in harmony with the Tao,
the factories make trucks and tractors.
When a country goes counter to the Tao,
warheads are stockpiled outside the cities.

There is no greater illusion than fear,
no greater wrong than preparing to defend yourself,
no greater misfortune than having an enemy.

Whoever can see through all fear
will always be safe.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 45

Tao Te Ching – Verse 45

True perfection seems imperfect,
yet it is perfectly itself.
True fullness seems empty,
yet it is fully present.

True straightness seems crooked.
True wisdom seems foolish.
True art seems artless.

The Master allows things to happen.
She shapes events as they come.
She steps out of the way
and lets the Tao speak for itself.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 44

Tao Te Ching – Verse 44

Fame or integrity: which is more important?
Money or happiness: which is more valuable?
Success or failure: which is more destructive?

If you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.

Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 43

Tao Te Ching – Verse 43

The gentlest thing in the world
overcomes the hardest thing in the world.
That which has no substance
enters where there is no space.
This shows the value of non-action.

Teaching without words,
performing without actions:
that is the Master's way.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 42

Tao Te Ching – Verse 42

The Tao gives birth to One.
One gives birth to Two.
Two gives birth to Three.
Three gives birth to all things.

All things have their backs to the female
and stand facing the male.
When male and female combine,
all things achieve harmony.

Ordinary women hate solitude.
But the Master makes use of it,
embracing her aloneness, realizing
she is one with the whole universe.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 41

Tao Te Ching – Verse 41

When a superior man hears of the Tao,
he immediately begins to embody it.
When an average man hears of the Tao,
he half believes it, half doubts it.
When a foolish man hears of the Tao,
he laughs out loud.
If he didn't laugh,
it wouldn't be the Tao.

Thus it is said:
The path into the light seems dark,
the path forward seems to go back,
the direct path seems long,
true power seems weak,
true purity seems tarnished,
true steadfastness seems changeable,
true clarity seems obscure,
the greatest are seems unsophisticated,
the greatest love seems indifferent,
the greatest wisdom seems childish.

The Tao is nowhere to be found.
Yet it nourishes and completes all things.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 40

Tao Te Ching – Verse 40

Return is the movement of the Tao.
Yielding is the way of the Tao.

All things are born of being.
Being is born of non-being.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 39

Tao Te Ching – Verse 39

In harmony with the Tao,
the sky is clear and spacious,
the earth is solid and full,
all creatures flourish together,
content with the way they are,
endlessly repeating themselves,
endlessly renewed.

When man interferes with the Tao,
the sky becomes filthy,
the earth becomes depleted,
the equilibrium crumbles,
creatures become extinct.

The Master views the parts with compassion,
because he understands the whole.
His constant practice is humility.
He doesn't glitter like a jewel
but lets himself be shaped by the Tao,
as rugged and common as stone.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 38

Tao Te Ching – Verse 38

The Master doesn't try to be powerful;
thus he is truly powerful.
The ordinary man keeps reaching for power;
thus he never has enough.

The Master does nothing,
yet he leaves nothing undone.
The ordinary man is always doing things,
yet many more are left to be done.

The kind man does something,
yet something remains undone.
The just man does something,
and leaves many things to be done.
The moral man does something,
and when no one responds
he rolls up his sleeves and uses force.

When the Tao is lost, there is goodness.
When goodness is lost, there is morality.
When morality is lost, there is ritual.
Ritual is the husk of true faith,
the beginning of chaos.

Therefore the Master concerns himself
with the depths and not the surface,
with the fruit and not the flower.
He has no will of his own.
He dwells in reality,
and lets all illusions go.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 37

Tao Te Ching – Verse 37

The Tao never does anything,
yet through it all things are done.

If powerful men and women
could center themselves in it,
the whole world would be transformed
by itself, in its natural rhythms.
People would be content
with their simple, everyday lives,
in harmony, and free of desire.

When there is no desire,
all things are at peace.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 36

Tao Te Ching – Verse 36

If you want to shrink something,
you must first allow it to expand.
If you want to get rid of something,
you must first allow it to flourish.
If you want to take something,
you must first allow it to be given.
This is called the subtle perception
of the way things are.

The soft overcomes the hard.
The slow overcomes the fast.
Let your workings remain a mystery.
Just show people the results.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 35

Tao Te Ching – Verse 35

She who is centered in the Tao
can go where she wishes, without danger.
She perceives the universal harmony,
even amid great pain,
because she has found peace in her heart.

Music or the smell of good cooking
may make people stop and enjoy.
But words that point to the Tao
seem monotonous and without flavor.
When you look for it, there is nothing to see.
When you listen for it, there is nothing to hear.
When you use it, it is inexhaustible.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 34

Tao Te Ching – Verse 34

The great Tao flows everywhere.
All things are born from it,
yet it doesn't create them.
It pours itself into its work,
yet it makes no claim.
It nourishes infinite worlds,
yet it doesn't hold on to them.
Since it is merged with all things
and hidden in their hearts,
it can be called humble.
Since all things vanish into it
and it alone endures,
it can be called great.
It isn't aware of its greatness;
thus it is truly great.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 33

Tao Te Ching – Verse 33

Knowing others is intelligence;
knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power.

If you realize that you have enough,
you are truly rich.
If you stay in the center
and embrace death with your whole heart,
you will endure forever.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 32

Tao Te Ching – Verse 32

The Tao can't be perceived.
Smaller than an electron,
it contains uncountable galaxies.

If powerful men and women
could remain centered in the Tao,
all things would be in harmony.
The world would become a paradise.
All people would be at peace,
and the law would be written in their hearts.

When you have names and forms,
know that they are provisional.
When you have institutions,
know where their functions should end.
Knowing when to stop,
you can avoid any danger.

All things end in the Tao
as rivers flow into the sea.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

The Tao Te Ching - Verse 31

Tao Te Ching – Verse 31

Weapons are the tools of violence;
all decent men detest them.

Weapons are the tools of fear;
a decent man will avoid them
except in the direst necessity
and, if compelled, will use them
only with the utmost restraint.
Peace is his highest value.
If the peace has been shattered,
how can he be content?
His enemies are not demons,
but human beings like himself.
He doesn't wish them personal harm.
Nor does he rejoice in victory.
How could he rejoice in victory
and delight in the slaughter of men?

He enters a battle gravely,
with sorrow and with great compassion,
as if he were attending a funeral.

Laozi. Tao Te Ching. Translated by Stephen Mitchell. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2006.

We are sharing the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching across 81 weeks starting in March 2025. Here is our introductory post if you’d like to learn more about this project.

Private Coaching Sessions Online Opening December 2025

Hello, friend.

I hope you are well.

Deep into this balance point of the Autumn Equinox, a dream has come back online in beautiful and profound ways. I have not been able to work one-on-one with clients for many years due to the great needs my dad had while he was in our care. I just did not have the capacity to hold healing space for clients too. I am now feeling much more robust and rested in my own system nowadays, and I am thrilled to share the news!

Beginning the week of December 15th, I will start working with a limited number of clients online, Tuesdays and Thursdays. You can follow this link to learn more about private energy coaching sessions. And, if you are interested in scheduling time with me, you are welcome to reply to this email to let me know. You will be placed on the list of individuals I will reach out to first to book times once scheduling is open in November. I look forward to holding space and celebrating balance alongside those in the community who are feeling called.

Here's to the sacred balance . . .

With love and gratitude,
Jennifer